JULY 4 — We live in a time where people are quick to speak, quick to advise, and far too slow to listen.
Everyone wants to offer their opinion to fix others, to tell someone how they should live their life, especially when they believe that person has strayed from the “right path”. But there is something dangerous in this habit. When we constantly feel the need to speak, correct and advise without understanding, without empathy, we risk harming those who are already hurting. What we think is concern may actually come across as control, shame or judgment.
There is a reason we are given two ears and only one mouth. It is a message, even in our biology — listen more, speak less. But too often, we reverse this order. We speak over people. We interrupt their pain with our opinions. We offer solutions when no one asked. We feel entitled to correct others even when we know little about their full story, and while we may feel “righteous”, the truth is this: advice given too quickly, too harshly or too often becomes poison, not medicine.
Especially when it comes to mental health, this careless way of speaking can be deeply damaging. People who are already struggling with depression, stress, anxiety or personal confusion do not need lectures. They need kindness. They need presence. They need to feel safe. But many walk away from conversations feeling worse because instead of being heard, they were judged. Instead of being understood, they were scolded. We think we are helping. In reality, we are making their burden heavier.
Before giving advice, stop and ask yourself: “Do I truly understand what this person is going through?” Because if you don’t — and most of the time, you don’t — your advice is based on assumption, not truth. And assumptions are dangerous. You may think someone has lost their way, but have you considered the battles they are quietly fighting? The things they don’t say out loud? The past that shaped them? Just because someone is struggling does not mean they need fixing. Sometimes, they just need someone who is willing to listen without judging.
People who are already struggling with depression, stress, anxiety or personal confusion do not need lectures. — Picture from Unsplash/Dlxmedia Hu
Let’s be honest — some people give advice not because they care, but because they want to feel superior. They want to appear wiser, more “correct”, more in control. But advice that comes from ego is never helpful. It is about power, not love. And whether we realise it or not, it causes harm. If your words are not guided by patience, humility and deep respect for another person’s humanity, then do everyone a favour: don’t speak. Sit down. Be quiet. Listen.
We must also understand that timing matters. Trust matters. You don’t walk into someone’s pain and start pointing fingers. You wait. You build connection. You ask for permission to speak into their life. And even then, you speak with care. Instead of saying, “You should’ve done this,” say, “Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?” Advice should feel like an open hand, not a slap in the face.
In families, classrooms, workplaces and even religious spaces, we must do better. We must stop mistaking volume for wisdom. The loudest voice is not always the right one. What people need — especially those who are silently suffering — is not more noise but more compassion. A generation that listens with empathy is far more powerful than a generation that talks over one another.
Mental health awareness is not just about campaigns or hashtags — it’s about changing how we treat people, how we speak and how we listen.
To end with truth: not every opinion needs to be spoken. Not every “correction” needs to be shared. Sometimes, the kindest, strongest, most healing thing you can offer is your silence and your presence. Your job is not to fix everyone. Your job is to care. Your words can either build someone or break them. Choose wisely. Because while you may forget what you said, the person you hurt will remember it for a long time.
* Nurfilzah Emily Mohamad Khairuddin K.B.; P.A. is a registered counsellor with Lembaga Kaunselor Malaysia.
** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
